anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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