fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
