he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
