you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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