Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
