Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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