Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
