i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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