so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
