I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
