There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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