I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
