Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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