if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
