That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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