i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have post one night stand depression
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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