i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
