dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize