Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
