shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
