so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
