Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
