its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
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