Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
