Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize