I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I want to be your penis for a week.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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