Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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