I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
