so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
