is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
