im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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