dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
