I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
