Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
