The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
