I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
