I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
