Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
