I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
