Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
