oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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