chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
