im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
