My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
