Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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