Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
