Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize