im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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