we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
