ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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