it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
