saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
