He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
