I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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