I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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