i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize