Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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