i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
