Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
